Cecily von Ziegesar Recaps “Despicable B”

Cecily von Ziegesar recaps Gossip Girl Season 3, Epiosde 21

Photo Credit: Gossip Girl

Who better to recap each week’s new episode of Gossip Girl than author Cecily von Ziegesar? Find out all her favorite moments in “Despicable B” (Season 5, Episode 21).

Hey People,

“The question is not who is my mother, but who is my father.” Oh, the dramatic life of the ever-mournful Chuck Bass. Don’t you wish sometimes that Chuck could just be happy? He needs a vacation from his sadness, don’t you think? He must be seriously bummed to discover that Elizabeth Hurley is not, in fact, his hot mom. He was starting to feel sort of pleased about that I think.

Also in need of a vacation are Lily and Serena. From their bitchiness. Maybe they should get out of town for a while, and go on a mother-daughter cruise. Or maybe they should take up a sport, like horse-back riding. Focus their energies on something nurturing and outdoorsy, instead of ruining other people’s lives. Also, how could they be so blind to Dr. van der Woodsen’s sliminess? I wouldn’t trust that man to deliver a newspaper, let alone safehouse half my assets.

What I liked best about this episode:

Best lines: Blair to Dorota—“I love reading bad things about my friends.”
Lily to Serena (as if she were still 5 years old)—“Put on your best happy face and get ready for the party.”

Best hair: Nate’s.

Worst hair: Dan’s. Please get thee to Nate’s barber.

Best bitch: Serena, for telling Lola that she really didn’t want to get all sisterly at the moment and to just %&^&*^ off. Again, I love it when Serena’s mean. She’s so much fun. We were getting tired of liking her.

Happiest couple: Dan and Blair. This is NOT a compliment. Happy people are BORING. Please liven things up a bit by having horrible drunken fights à la Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Break some plates!

Most glad to see gone: Lily’s angry-all-the-time-rebel-without-a-cause sister. Jail will give her lots of quiet time to write her million dollar memoir.

Most sad to see go: Hopefully next episode is not the last of Diana. I really enjoy watching her in all her super-tight spandex-dressed glory.

And there you have it. My despicably brilliant thoughts. Tune in next week!

You know you love it.

xoxo

-CvZ

What did you think was the most shocking moment? Leave a comment below or talk it out in the message boards!

COMMENTS

  1. Jayy_Myah Said:

    How I adore you Miss CvZ. Thank you letting the world Gossip Girl. Best thing in life right now. Well, always have been. Anyways, I agree with everything you say. And not just saying that a a fan. But also, best moment could be how Lily turned momentarily in Cece again. Her attitude and everything. I kind of missed her that way. Instead of her always loving and carrying with Rufus. Love them together but mommy Bitch needs to get back to her roots again. Glad we saw that this episode. Also, I was hoping to see a comment about how Lola stole Gossip Girl’s password and thing from S. Can’t wait to see how that’s gonna worry out and what that’s gonna play into. Till the next episode.
    xoxo
    -J

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