If you thought that perhaps Miley Cyrus would ring in her 21st birthday with a quiet, classy dinner with friends and family, then today must be your first day on planet Earth. Welcome.
For everyone else, you undoubtedly knew that MC would go all out for her all-important bday, and my spies inside the bash say it was one wild ride.
For starters, guests like Kelly Osbourne, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Emma Roberts were forced to sign confidentiality agreements before entering the soiree, held at her favorite Hollywood hotspot, Beacher’s Mad House.
I think it’s tres tacky for MC to make the way-more-popular gents of One Direction promise to keep quiet–shouldn’t they be asking that of her? But Miley has never operated under that oppressive umbrella of good taste and manners.
Once guests took a blood oath of secrecy, they were treated to a party full of dancing pandas, twerking (of course) go go dancers, and midgets dressed up as Miley. Le sigh, darlings. It sounds just so lame.
While club owners were busy presenting MC with a $150,000 Swarovski encrusted 3-litre bottle of Beau Joie champagne, DJ Calvin Harris was nearly hit in the face by a flying midget, but saved by none other than lovely Liam:
She also enjoyed a luscious, Pinterest-perfect rainbow birthday cake that I shall order my chef to make me tout suite.
While I do quite like the idea of a giant champagne bottle for my next birthday soiree, I think the rest of MC’s party sounds strange and dreadful. But then again, if it didn’t, she wouldn’t be our little wrecking ball, now would she?