Because I’m not a 50-year-old Kohl’s shopper living in the Midwest, I’m not suffering from the 50 Shades of Grey hysteria gripping the nation. I mean…not really–you know how I feel about Dakota “Alf” Johnson and her dismal hair. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to see it–a naked Jamie Dornan is better than nothing, no? However, if you find yourself cringing and clutching your pearls at the very mention of Ana and Christian, then there’s a G-rated alternative.
It’s called Old Fashioned and it’s being billed as the “anti-50 Shades” and will premiere the same day, Valentine’s Day 2015, as a film for people who want a wholesome movie experience. Pfft, losers.
“I wanted to tell a love story that takes the idea of Godly romance seriously,” says writer/director/star Rik Swartzwelder.”A story that, without apology, explores the possibility of a higher standard in relationships; yet, is also fully aware of just how fragile we all are and doesn’t seek to heap guilt upon those of us that have made mistakes.”
Quite frankly I stopped reading after the word “Godly,” but tell me, does this bondage-less flick sound remotely appealing to you? Or would seeing it be your own personal red room of pain, and not in a good way?