Dear Whitney Port,
I realize that life after fame can be jarring. Well, I can guess that it is–I’ve never experienced unpopularity. Anyway, while I applaud your adorable attempt at becoming a fashion designer, you simply must stop. And this photo is Exhibit A.
Or at least if you insist upon designing–and certainly wearing–such garish, schizo slacks, do it during a trip to Australia where you probably won’t run into anyone you know.
PS, don’t ever wonder why you’re single.